Most Important Meal of the Day
As I awoke on January 1st, 2012 I was hungry. It was a whole new year, yet my basic human instincts still overwhelmingly effected my mood. Hunger is the most prevalent characteristic that I possess. My fellow peers, family, and friends can attest to my love of food. Don’t believe me? Check out my food blog! ZING
After a super fun night in Downtown Annapolis, I realized that I had become so insecure about myself that I’d rather be alone than to be happy with someone else. I’m the largest reason why my last serious relationship ended back in August. I’ve been trying to bounce back, and I have been, slowly but surely. Anywho…getting side tracked.
FOOD, ah, yes. While everyone else was asleep in my father’s house, I decided to make breakfast. After about 1 hour spent slaving over the stove I had a minuscule amount of batter left for this last pancake. I wanted to spell 2012 to introduce the new year properly; however, I ran out of batter. So my quick culinary genius *smiles* I made a smiley face. After preparing that last pancake and looking at it, I realized that it doesn’t really matter what year it actually is. All that matters is how I live that year out. I’ve been so cranky, miserable, and selfish, and it is ALL MY FAULT.
With that solitary pancake staring back at me, I smiled. Not a dumb, fake smile. But a genuine smile. This year, I want my New Years Resolution to be: to smile more. With the death of my mom and several shit-tastic breakups over the last few years, I lost my spark. I lost my smile.
This year my hope is to rekindle with that smile. Not necessarily the “previous” Alex, but a new and modified Alex. I want to smile again, for no reason. I want someone to fill that void that I lost in the attic of solitude. I want love. I already have genuine friends to shower my life with happiness, but there is still a part I’m missing. I don’t want to sabotage my future relationship(s) anymore.
I’m tired of picking apart people and finding EVERY flaw imaginable. I need to look past their shell and see the heart they have to offer.
All this stemmed from a smiley pancake. Happy New Years =]
